Excuse me Lady, but is that a 5 year old in your carry on?!

Why I don't have a 5 year old in my carry on:

First of all it's not that easy, just because a child could be labeled as an orphan or neglected, Westerners don't just get to waltz into a country, strap a kid on their back and leave a new parent. For many good reasons, just like in the States there are steps to go through to adopt. A friend of mine frustrated said "you'd think it would be so easy?!", I explained to her that not everyone in the world has pure intentions of providing a safe and loving home for a child. If it was easy, there would be many more children forced into child labor/slavery, there would be many more well meaning Westerners while on vacation in an impoverished country thinking "gee it's a swell idea to give this child a home", only to get back to their country unaware and unprepared to deal with all the challenges that come along with adopting a child from a different culture, with little family background and the stresses of bringing a child into their world.

When I decided to tack on a trip to Uganda, I knew I wanted to be able to see Mahadi and Ja-ja, get the chance to spend a little time with him, make sure he was doing ok and see if there is anything I could provide for him. I did not expect to be one of those Westerners, who wanted to smuggle a 5 year old into her carry-on luggage upon her departure from Uganda. And as many of friends on Facebook encouraged, bring him home, I'll give you money, I'll help you raise him, along with the emotional toll of dropping this sweet sweet boy off at an orphanage with no electricity, with minimal daily meals and no one to give just him the love and attention he deserves, I found myself googling "International Adoption from Uganda" right before I went to bed Friday night.

The next morning after having a good night's sleep and the raw emotion not quite as severe, the realist in me took a better look at this picture.

--Both of Mahadi's parents are still alive, that alone is a MAJOR hurdle in adopting him. All of a sudden this Western girl with "money" in their eyes, who has an interest in Mahadi could quickly make them realize Mahadi is valuable. If and when the time comes for me or a Ugandan to ask them to relinquish their parental rights, it will have to be done very delicately.

--Let's get real I'm currently a swinging bachelorette. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, with a roommate in Venice Beach. I travel 200 days a year on business, last I checked 5 year olds really aren't interested in sitting in on a Pharmaceutical company's general session. Sure if I was too get knocked up, I'd make loads of changes to raise that child...but is an Adoption agency or the Ugandan government really going to think in my present life that I'm a qualified parent!? I'm willing to start making changes that would make me more qualified on paper, but those changes aren't going to happen over night.

--Then there is the Ugandan government, adoptions are starting to become a little easier than in the past. It used to be you had to live in Uganda for 3 years with the child before you could legally adopt, but that rule has been relaxed. Single parents are now allowed to adopt.

--Oh yeah and let's tackle that single parent portion. I hear it's kind of hard work, do I think I could do it, actually I do. I also appreciate all of my friends who have said, move home, move here, I'll help you. Those offers I know are genuine, but when the reality of their own family's needs and wants come into play, I have to be prepared to do it on my own physically, emotionally and financially.

I'm in no way ruling out becoming Mahadi's mom, in fact that would be awesome if it did happen, but there are many things I need to learn about and decide on before it becomes real.

I have asked both Jack and Josephine that should anything happen to Mahadi's Ja-ja that they would let me know immediately. I told them I would take care of all the financial costs of transport, boarding school etc, if they would just promise to take care of him over holidays and such. They both have given me their word and I love them dearly for that.

I'm currently planning a trip to come back in March. I really want to learn more about Mahadi's parents, is it a situation of true poverty, illiteracy, or is there something else going on. One of my desires is to become more involved with educating and empowering women, maybe Mahadi's mother needs education, a micro finance loan to help her climb her way out of poverty, or maybe she is just a neglectful mother.

For those of you who have never traveled to a 3rd world country, until you've seen the poverty, the hunger and desperation for yourself, it's very easy to think "why don't they just get a job", "how could they abandon their child?", "why do they keep getting pregnant?" All questions that do not have simple answers.

Until I have a clearer picture, I will make sure Mahadi is taken care of from half way around the world and then we shall see where this adventure takes us.