LIVE while you're breathing.

It could have been my grandma dying unexpectedly when I was 15 that left the impressionable realization that life is damn short and you better make the most out of it.

If it were up to me I’d live 50 lives, I often play the “in my next life I’d like to come back as a lead singer of a band or an Olympic gymnast”. I can tell you those things were never and will never be attainable in my current lifetime.

Some of the more realistic things I’ve wanted to be or do in my lifetime-- In first grade I wanted to be a world traveler, in high school I wanted to be a teacher and I wanted to go into the Peace Corps, in college I wanted to be a fashion buyer. I’ve wanted to be an entrepreneur. I’ve wanted to teach English as a second language. I’ve wanted to own a Bed and Breakfast. I’ve wanted to import cool things from different countries into the US. I’ve wanted to be a philanthropist. Life feels like all of a sudden all of these careers are snowballing into one thing, which is so cool and I’m so thankful.

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day and I said without question this move to Uganda is a “universe inspired, God-thing”. She pointed out that I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am today, and while I agree, I must say “at the point of commitment the universe conspires with you”, is a seemingly true statement.

There are also HUGE moments of self-doubt: Will I be successful at running The Bernie Project? Will I adapt to living in Uganda? Will people come visit me? What if I get malaria? Why did I just sell everything I own? And then I breathe through it and I tell myself those are all fear based thoughts and I know based on my experiences in life that I will adapt and while I’m sure there are going to be days that I want to quit and continue to live a really cushy, fab life planning corporate events all over the world, there will be many more days I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

In recent weeks I’ve had conversations with two friends, one who is battling a persistent case of MRSA and another who just had a bilateral mastectomy on Friday. As I celebrate the launch of The Bernie Project, I just can’t get over both of their personal health struggles. It makes me so thankful for my current health and also reaffirms that life is indeed short and we should make the most of it.

Yesterday, after the Asiana Airlines plane crash in San Francisco, I emailed my friend who is a lawyer, with the intent of creating a will, funeral planning, whatever else I need to do so that when I die, whoever is dealing with my death, knows what I want, how I want my body and funeral arrangements handled. I’d like to state and this will be written down and notarized…under no circumstances should anyone pay for my body to be flown anywhere, just cremate me and spread my ashes in a few key locations worldwide.  While morbid and many of you will say come on you’re only 36, it’s something we should all be thinking about.

Me and Thomas on the Charlotte Speedway,
so glad I let him drive, even though I really wanted to!

This morning, I woke up to an email that my friend Thomas died on Thursday, cause unknown and he was only 45ish…I’m still in shock. I really can’t believe he’s gone. The strangest thing happened on Friday, there was a little kid’s chair in this antique market in Healdsburg and it said Thomas on the back of the chair. I almost took a photo of it and texted it to him, just as a thinking of you, should I pick up this chair for you kinda funny. He was already gone, but I didn’t it know yet. I knew Thomas for a little more than a year. At first I wanted to choke him, he was persistent and slightly irritating. But on MINI Takes the States we ended up driving together for about 5 legs of the trip. If you stick two people in a MINI and make them drive 100s of thousands of miles together, they’ll either kill each other or learn to love each other. 15 minutes into the first leg as we were barreling down the Jersey Turnpike on the 4^th of July with the top down and the A/C on in 90 degree weather, singing our hearts out to Kelly Clarkson, we knew it was love. We had a lot of fun driving from Jersey to DC to Charlotte to Nashville and then back together again for the Lincoln to Denver haul down I-80.

Life is short. Do what you love. If you don't like something in your life do your best to change it. Be grateful even on days when you don’t want to be. Smile at strangers. Practice grace. Go on that trip of a lifetime now. Hug your kids even when they are being naughty. Forgive. Most importantly LIVE while you’re breathing.