April vs. the Tick

The other day a colleague of mine said “you know what the main cause of death is for people in our demographic, household accidents”.

As someone who has lived alone or spends a lot of time alone in hotel rooms and even now with a roommate, I’ve definitely had those moments where I’ve almost choked, or almost slipped and fell in the bathroom or almost maimed myself in some way, where I’ve thought yup this is how I’m going out. They are going to find me dead in the bathtub of a concussion. Luckily tonight's episode didn't kill me but if someone had been videotaping what was happening I'm sure ya'll would be finding it HI LARIOUS!

Tonight as I was getting ready for bed, I decided to put some jojoba oil in my hair, all of a sudden I felt a bump back behind ear. I knew almost immediately what it was, but it’s right in a spot I can’t see in the mirror, so I grab my camera and a snap a picture of the area and sure enough, I have a tick on my head. I have a tick on my head. OH MY GOD…I HAVE A TICK ON MY HEAD!!

It’s 11:15pm and I know like 5 people in Nashville and really only 2 that I’d call at 11:30 at night about a TICK ON MY HEAD. And both of those @#$@#$@# friends of mine aren’t answering their phones.

There wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to bed with a tick on my head, these were my thoughts in this order:

April you can’t call 911 about a tick.

April look up 24 hour urgent cares…apparently they don’t exist here..

April you aren’t going to go to the ER for a tick on your head.

April- you should go to the fire station and beg for them to pull the tick out of your head.

April you have jojoba oil in your hair, are you really going to go to the fire station with slicked back hair and you haven’t showered since Monday, is that how you want to introduce yourself to the NFD? To self- good point.

Call my roommate who’s in Minneapolis, which is just as well because she wouldn’t have been any help if she HAD been here…except maybe to laugh or freak out with me. She did try to tell me I should wear something cute to the fire station…I was in no mood to flirt, hell I was on the verge of a panic attack.

So I get in my car and I decide I’m going to the fire station, I get there and it looks like they are asleep…yeah I know…but it really didn’t look like I could bang on the door.

I then see a cop in the White Castle parking lot (please crack some jokes that guy was a douche bag).

He offers little to no help. In fact he says “we don’t do medical things. We don’t do tick extractions”. I was thinking hey officer, I know I’m interrupting your heart attack in a bag, but you don’t have some tweezers in that car that you can’t use to pull this F#$KING tick out of my head.

He suggests the ER down the road. I tell him thanks…and decide I’m NOT going to the ER for a tick…I did for half a second think about calling Mohammad my driver who takes me to and from the airport and ask if he’d come over to my house and pull it out for me..But instead I get PISSED…and drive back home., determined to get this damn thing out myself.

I text a friend of mine, who hunts a lot. I knew he’d know exactly what to do. Following his instructions, I grabbed a cotton ball and some nail polish remover smothered that lil rat bastard, grab the tweezers and pulled that sucker out. Woohoo!!

Victorious…I now feel like I could almost do anything…except for maybe slay a rat….